I have recently started to increase my commitment to my quiet time and prayer time. By increase my commitment, I mean I started again. I had been teaching a Bible study several weeks back that lasted 10 weeks and during that time I had clung to the Lord and His Word like they were my only life line. Because they were. I have nothing relevant to say to a group of ladies who are longing for the Lord. I need Jesus to fill me with His presence and His Word for anything I say to matter. And Jesus showed up for those ladies during that time. Afterward, though, I was spent. I went through a hangover that lasted a few weeks, I'm ashamed to say. I didn't read the Bible as frequently as I should. My prayers became all but non-existent. I was tired.
But then, God started to draw me back in. As He did, he started to show me that I was doing quiet time all wrong, anyway. Okay, there really isn't an incorrect way to spend time with God. If your heart is genuine, then He just likes that you are there, willing to hear from Him. But I believe - I know - that the more you spend time with Him, the more He will expose the sin in your heart and mind so that a deeper, more meaningful relationship will begin to blossom between you and He. That is what God has been doing with me - changing the relationship. Showing me ways that I can start to move closer.
But moving closer to God is like moving closer to a mirror that exposes all of your ugly. Like moving really close to a fire that only burns away the faults. To get close to this fire, you have to be ready for the pain that happens when you burn away the flesh of yourself.
God has shown me that all of my prayer time was about me and what I wanted. Through listening to a series of sermons from different pastors and reading different verses, I learned that my prayer time and my quiet time weren't for me to tell God what I wanted Him to do for me that day. These times are a time for me to thank God for the things He has done and also to confess the sin in my heart. As I started to do these things, I've been praying for God to show me what sin is in my heart. I thought I was doing alright. I was wrong.
God exposed a sin that I thought I had dealt with. But I haven't. It has to do with trust and needing to protect and save myself. I don't trust that God's commands are what is best for me and I take matters into my own hands - lying, trying to cover things up. I destroy trust. I obliterate progress. I break things.
There is a limit to what other humans are willing to put up with from me. Their love can only extend so far. If I put too much of who I am into those people, then I hurt them, when I reach the limit of their love I am destroyed. If my identity is in a person and what that person thinks of me, then there is death and decay where their love once was when I have lost it. That is why God commands us, urges us, pleads with us, to put our identity in Him.
His love is limitless. It literally has no limits. And when I am broken - when I screw up again - when I've lost the trust and love of everyone around me - my relationship with God doesn't react the same way. God doesn't retreat. My relationship with God gets stronger. He takes my brokenness and uses it not to push me away, but to draw me closer. He uses it as an opportunity to show me the breadth, the length, the height and the depth of His love. He brings me in and immediately starts to rebuild what I have broken. Just like when Jesus raised people from the dead, or healed the blind, I am immediately restored.
Restoring my other relationships will take time. With God's grace they will recover. Thankfully, I know who I am - and that identity isn't dependent on whether the people in my life can ever really forgive me. I am a Child of the One True King. I am Saved. I am Whole. I am Redeemed. I still sin. But I am Forgiven.
The love of God is limitless.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Starting Over
One of my favorite songs ever - I mean like of all time, ever, in the whole universe of songs that will ever exist ever - one of my favorites is, "Start Over Again" by Addison Road. Addison Road is more famous for other songs - all of which I love. But "Starting Over Again" is very special to me. There are songs that I believe with my whole heart that God wrote just for me. I know, that sounds narcisistic. Knowing is half the battle, right? But seriously, that song was written for me.
I bet you can guess what it's about, too. That's right. Starting Over. But there are lines that just resonate so true with me. And as I was listening to it in the car for the billionth time this week, my physical body's reaction to the truth in those lines was drawing quite a bit of attention from the cars around me. I look nothing less than psychotic. But I can't help it. I need to hear those words. I need to sing them. I love hearing them, and feeling them, and experiencing them in song form.
Here is my favorite part:
You can't change what you've done.
But you can choose who you'll become
Then it goes:
You don't have to be who you've been,
You can change within
It's never to late - to start over again.
The Message translates Ephesians Ch 1 like this: "How blessed is God! And what a blessing He is! He's the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in Him. Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of His love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into His family through Jesus Christ (What pleasure He took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of His lavish gift-giving by the hand of His beloved Son. Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, his blood poured out on the alter of the Cross, we're a free people - free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all of our misdeeds. And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free! He thought of everything, provided for everything we could possibly need, letting us in on the plans he took such delight in making."
God chose you "long before he laid down earth's foundations." Do you understand that? Can you take that in? That is why it is never too late for you to start over. Not just because God is mighty to save, or willing to forgive. But because He has loved you before there even was a you. Before He started to knit you together in your mother's womb, you were chosen. God chose you to be made whole and holy by His love. It is never too late for you to start over because God knew you and where you would be starting from the entire time.
So, start over again. Choose God. Accept the abundant freedom that He offers. Don't think that there is anything that you have done that would preclude you from what He has already chosen for you. His love for you started before there was a creation to love. He is waiting. Come meet Him at the foot of His cross and accept the lavish gift of His Son. It's never too late.
I bet you can guess what it's about, too. That's right. Starting Over. But there are lines that just resonate so true with me. And as I was listening to it in the car for the billionth time this week, my physical body's reaction to the truth in those lines was drawing quite a bit of attention from the cars around me. I look nothing less than psychotic. But I can't help it. I need to hear those words. I need to sing them. I love hearing them, and feeling them, and experiencing them in song form.
Here is my favorite part:
You can't change what you've done.
But you can choose who you'll become
Then it goes:
You don't have to be who you've been,
You can change within
It's never to late - to start over again.
The Message translates Ephesians Ch 1 like this: "How blessed is God! And what a blessing He is! He's the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in Him. Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of His love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into His family through Jesus Christ (What pleasure He took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of His lavish gift-giving by the hand of His beloved Son. Because of the sacrifice of the Messiah, his blood poured out on the alter of the Cross, we're a free people - free of penalties and punishments chalked up by all of our misdeeds. And not just barely free, either. Abundantly free! He thought of everything, provided for everything we could possibly need, letting us in on the plans he took such delight in making."
God chose you "long before he laid down earth's foundations." Do you understand that? Can you take that in? That is why it is never too late for you to start over. Not just because God is mighty to save, or willing to forgive. But because He has loved you before there even was a you. Before He started to knit you together in your mother's womb, you were chosen. God chose you to be made whole and holy by His love. It is never too late for you to start over because God knew you and where you would be starting from the entire time.
So, start over again. Choose God. Accept the abundant freedom that He offers. Don't think that there is anything that you have done that would preclude you from what He has already chosen for you. His love for you started before there was a creation to love. He is waiting. Come meet Him at the foot of His cross and accept the lavish gift of His Son. It's never too late.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
The Blood of The Lamb and The Word of Our Testimony
I remember the first time I read John 4. I was sitting in my living room in November of 2009. I had just been saved in January of 2009. I had heard the story of the Samaritan woman at the well. I had listened to sermons on it and had probably read a verse of it here and there. But November 2009 was the first time I sat down with my Bible and a copy of Kay Arthur's "God, Are You There?," I had heard Mrs. Arthur speak a few weeks before and I was enthralled with her love for the Word. So I drove out to Precepts, bought the book and was just really getting started studying the Bible on my own for the first time. The book goes through the Book of John and I fell in love with the Bible almost immediately after starting.
I was reading through the story of the Samaritan woman at the well. John 3 had just told me that God loved the world in such a way that He sent His son to die for us all so that we could live. Now, seeking to show an example of the way God loves everyone, Jesus is approached by a woman who was otherwise despised by the people of God. She was a Samaritan - a people who were called 'dogs' by the Jews. She was also a whore. She was living with a man to whom she was not married and was on her fifth guy at that. To the Jews, this type of woman should have been stoned. They would not have spoken to her. No one would have acknowledged her. She was not worth their time. Think porn star. Think hooker. Think homeless. Who would you hesitate to even turn your head toward on the street? Who would you neglect to speak with if forced into the same proximity? This is who she was.
Jesus - being the guy He is, is not intimidated by her in the slightest. What you or I would consider as filthiness doesn't phase Him in the least. He tells her to give Him a drink. Pretty directly. No mistaking, He is talking to her. She tries to be kind and let Him know who she is. She tells him, You are a Jew, I'm a Samaritan woman, why are you talking to me? Likewise, Jesus is kind enough to tell the Samaritan woman who He is - If you knew the gift of God that sits before you, you would be asking me for a drink of the Living Water.
The woman's response? "The well is deep and I don't see that you have anything to get it out with. Where then will you get the living water?" How are you going to get me that water? Do you have what it takes? This woman, deep in her mess of a life, is challenging Jesus - wondering if He can really help her.
Jesus answer her, I imagine Him looking her right in the eye - something that no one else ever did - and tells her that if she drinks of the water that only He can give, she will never thirst again. The Greek word Jesus uses for "thirst" is "dipsao" and it means someone who feels their want, to long for something, those things by which the soul is refreshed and strengthened. Jesus is offering her the ability to never long for anything ever again. With a history like this woman has, what is it that you think she has been longing for her entire life? Love. Committment. Someone who thinks her worthy enough to stick around. I understand that longing. And I understand the hope one feels when they realize that this is exactly what Jesus can give.
The woman asks Jesus to give her the water so that she might not thirst, or come back to the well to draw water. Jesus then asks her to bring her husband to the well with her. In a moment of blinding truth, the woman admits she has no husband. Jesus then does something terribly merciful. He reveals Himself completely to her as the Messiah. I often thought that Jesus was being cruel in stating this woman's sin to her so bluntly. But as I was reading the account closely, it occurred to me that what the woman said after Jesus told her He knew who she really was - all of her sin - that He was, in fact, being merciful. The Samaritan woman says, "I know the Messiah is coming, and He will tell us all things." Jesus responds: "I am."
The woman leaves her waterpot - she won't need it any more - and immediately travels into the city where she proclaims what Christ has done for her and urges others to go speak to Him as well. Verse 39 is the verse that I am after, though: "And many of the Samaritans of that city believed in Him because of the word of the woman who testifed, "He told me all that I ever did."
Revelation 12:11 tells us that in defeating satan, "they (the saints) overcame him (satan) by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony, and they (the saints) did not love their lives to the death." These words for testimony are from the same root, "Martus" - the word from which we get our word "martyr." It means to be a specator, a witness, to testify by divine revelation, those who, after His example, prove the strength and genuineness of their faith in Christ by undergoing a violent death.
That Samaritan woman wasn't supposed to even speak to Jesus - she could have been stoned by Jews for speaking to Him. But she left her water pot - she traded it in for the Living Water. And she testified - she spoke of what could have only been revealed through divine revelation. With the freedom that Jesus had just given her, she could have done anything. She could have gone anywhere. But where did she go? She saught to testify to those who hated her. She saught to save those who had despised her. And because of her testimony many were saved.
That is how we defeat satan. That is how we overcome. By the blood of the Lamb - by accepting Christ's sacrifice - and by testifying about it. By not caring about our own lives any more. By not caring what people think of us, what they thought of us, by not letting those things affect us any more. By seeing only what Christ sees when He looks at us and then talking about it to everyone we see. By the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony - like those who, after Christ's example, prove the strength and genuineness of our faith in Christ by undergoing a violent death.
Die violently today. Just let it go. Walk away from what you thought you wanted to be. Accept Christ's sacrifice. Know the blood of the Lamb as it washes you clean and die to who you were before you knew Him. And go testify. Seek to save those that hate you. Seek to save those that think you less or unworthy. By the Blood of the Lamb and the word of your testimony, let many be saved.
I was reading through the story of the Samaritan woman at the well. John 3 had just told me that God loved the world in such a way that He sent His son to die for us all so that we could live. Now, seeking to show an example of the way God loves everyone, Jesus is approached by a woman who was otherwise despised by the people of God. She was a Samaritan - a people who were called 'dogs' by the Jews. She was also a whore. She was living with a man to whom she was not married and was on her fifth guy at that. To the Jews, this type of woman should have been stoned. They would not have spoken to her. No one would have acknowledged her. She was not worth their time. Think porn star. Think hooker. Think homeless. Who would you hesitate to even turn your head toward on the street? Who would you neglect to speak with if forced into the same proximity? This is who she was.
Jesus - being the guy He is, is not intimidated by her in the slightest. What you or I would consider as filthiness doesn't phase Him in the least. He tells her to give Him a drink. Pretty directly. No mistaking, He is talking to her. She tries to be kind and let Him know who she is. She tells him, You are a Jew, I'm a Samaritan woman, why are you talking to me? Likewise, Jesus is kind enough to tell the Samaritan woman who He is - If you knew the gift of God that sits before you, you would be asking me for a drink of the Living Water.
The woman's response? "The well is deep and I don't see that you have anything to get it out with. Where then will you get the living water?" How are you going to get me that water? Do you have what it takes? This woman, deep in her mess of a life, is challenging Jesus - wondering if He can really help her.
Jesus answer her, I imagine Him looking her right in the eye - something that no one else ever did - and tells her that if she drinks of the water that only He can give, she will never thirst again. The Greek word Jesus uses for "thirst" is "dipsao" and it means someone who feels their want, to long for something, those things by which the soul is refreshed and strengthened. Jesus is offering her the ability to never long for anything ever again. With a history like this woman has, what is it that you think she has been longing for her entire life? Love. Committment. Someone who thinks her worthy enough to stick around. I understand that longing. And I understand the hope one feels when they realize that this is exactly what Jesus can give.
The woman asks Jesus to give her the water so that she might not thirst, or come back to the well to draw water. Jesus then asks her to bring her husband to the well with her. In a moment of blinding truth, the woman admits she has no husband. Jesus then does something terribly merciful. He reveals Himself completely to her as the Messiah. I often thought that Jesus was being cruel in stating this woman's sin to her so bluntly. But as I was reading the account closely, it occurred to me that what the woman said after Jesus told her He knew who she really was - all of her sin - that He was, in fact, being merciful. The Samaritan woman says, "I know the Messiah is coming, and He will tell us all things." Jesus responds: "I am."
The woman leaves her waterpot - she won't need it any more - and immediately travels into the city where she proclaims what Christ has done for her and urges others to go speak to Him as well. Verse 39 is the verse that I am after, though: "And many of the Samaritans of that city believed in Him because of the word of the woman who testifed, "He told me all that I ever did."
Revelation 12:11 tells us that in defeating satan, "they (the saints) overcame him (satan) by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony, and they (the saints) did not love their lives to the death." These words for testimony are from the same root, "Martus" - the word from which we get our word "martyr." It means to be a specator, a witness, to testify by divine revelation, those who, after His example, prove the strength and genuineness of their faith in Christ by undergoing a violent death.
That Samaritan woman wasn't supposed to even speak to Jesus - she could have been stoned by Jews for speaking to Him. But she left her water pot - she traded it in for the Living Water. And she testified - she spoke of what could have only been revealed through divine revelation. With the freedom that Jesus had just given her, she could have done anything. She could have gone anywhere. But where did she go? She saught to testify to those who hated her. She saught to save those who had despised her. And because of her testimony many were saved.
That is how we defeat satan. That is how we overcome. By the blood of the Lamb - by accepting Christ's sacrifice - and by testifying about it. By not caring about our own lives any more. By not caring what people think of us, what they thought of us, by not letting those things affect us any more. By seeing only what Christ sees when He looks at us and then talking about it to everyone we see. By the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony - like those who, after Christ's example, prove the strength and genuineness of our faith in Christ by undergoing a violent death.
Die violently today. Just let it go. Walk away from what you thought you wanted to be. Accept Christ's sacrifice. Know the blood of the Lamb as it washes you clean and die to who you were before you knew Him. And go testify. Seek to save those that hate you. Seek to save those that think you less or unworthy. By the Blood of the Lamb and the word of your testimony, let many be saved.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Waiting...
I have always had a special affection for Sarah, Abraham's wife. I have felt close to her, for some reason. I feel like I understand her - the things that she had to go through. Sarah didn't have it easy. One day, she was hanging out with Abraham - then Abram - when God called him. He told Abram to get up, leave his country, his relatives and his father's family and to to a land "I will show you." It doesn't sound like God told him where that would be. He told Abram he would show him. God promised Abram that He would bless him and make him famous. So it says Abram got up, grabbed up his wife and his nephew and hit the bricks. I have always wondered what Sarah said when Abram came and told her God had told them to leave everything they loved. The Bible makes no mention of Sarah making any argument. But I have always wondered...
So Sarah leaves with Abram. And despite Abram's mistakes and mistrust, God blessed Abram greatly and promised him his descendents would be more numorous then the stars in the sky. He promised Abram because of his faith, he would be counted righteous.
Sarah, though, wasn't buying it. And I don't think Abram was either, honestly. Because when Sarah brought her servant to Abram and told him to let Hagar give him children instead of her, Abram didn't say no. He took Hagar into his bed and got her pregnant. This was a huge lapse in judgement that would effect generation after generation of people. Ishmael is known as an important patriarch and prophet of Islam. Muslims believe that Muhammad is a descendent of Ishmael that would establish a great nation as promised by God in the Old Testament. This denial of the promise of God is still effecting the world today.
At this point, Abram is 87 years old. That seems too old to have any children, right? It seemed too old to Abram and Sarah, too. But it was at this point that God gives Abram his new name - Abraham - and promises him again that he will have a nation of descendents. Abraham and Sarah laugh at the thought. Genesis 18:12 tells us that Sarah laughed and said, "How could a worn-out woman like me enjoy such pleasure, especially when my master, my husband, is also so old?"
And this is where Sarah and I connect. Sarah married a man before either one of them really knew God. Then her husband was called and that also meant that Sarah was called. Sarah had to not only have faith in God, but she had to have faith in Abraham to follow him when he told her he heard the voice of God. She had to trust God and Abraham when Abraham let her be collected by the Egyptians. She had to believe in God and Abraham when she was told she would bear a son. In her 90's, though, she couldn't hold on any more. She had let that dream go - she thought that God had forgotten about her and there was no way he could make good on his promise.
What she didn't know is that our God thinks outside the box. As Sarah saw first hand, a man can get any young woman can get pregnant. But it takes a miracle from God for a woman in her 90's to not only get pregnant, but get through childbirth and then care for a young baby. And Sarah got the humor in it. In Genesis 21:6, when Isaac is finally born, Sarah declares,"God has brought me laughter. All who hear about this will laugh with me."
I know what Sarah was feeling when she brought Hagar to Abraham. God saved my husband, then me. After we were saved, everything we knew and thought we knew was stripped away to nothing. We have been lifted away from our family and friends and placed in desolate Atlanta. Okay, Atlanta isn't the desert. But it isn't home. I thought I new what my life would be 5 years ago. It is not now what I thought it would be. I've gone from having a career that I thought I would always have to being a wife, mom and having an extra child. God has blessed us during this time, so much, but it has still been pretty scary. We don't worship a tame lion. There's no telling what God is going to do.
But one thing I have learned is that God keeps his promises. Just like God kept his promise to Sarah, I know God will keep his promises to me. But this is what really blows my mind. Genesis records Sarah's doubt of God's promises. But in Hebrews 11:11 - Sarah is still counted as having faith. The writer of Hebrews tells us that it was by faith that Sarah was able to have a child, though she was barren and old. "She believed that God would keep his promises."
Even though Sarah's faith wavered, she is still counted as having faith. God still saw her as faithful. I can't tell you what hope that brings me. What joy that makes me feel. I pray that God will still see me as faithful despite how I have doubted His promises. I pray that I can trust Him, and not try to make is promises come to pass my own way. I want to wait on God. I want to have what God promised His way b/c I know that is what is best. But - confession time - I am afraid I will be 90 before it happens. What if I'm too old to really enjoy it when God is ready to fulfill his promises? I suppose I will have to do what Sarah did and laugh along with everyone else - right?
No- we don't worship a God that will be told what to do. We don't worship a God who will bend to our will. And I love God for saving me. So I will wait on Him to tell me to move. I just need to stay ready for the call and be ready to jump when He says go! I pray I don't get lazy and tired. I pray I will be ready. Because I want to do what God has called me and I want to experience God's promise. So I will wait. Like Sarah.
So Sarah leaves with Abram. And despite Abram's mistakes and mistrust, God blessed Abram greatly and promised him his descendents would be more numorous then the stars in the sky. He promised Abram because of his faith, he would be counted righteous.
Sarah, though, wasn't buying it. And I don't think Abram was either, honestly. Because when Sarah brought her servant to Abram and told him to let Hagar give him children instead of her, Abram didn't say no. He took Hagar into his bed and got her pregnant. This was a huge lapse in judgement that would effect generation after generation of people. Ishmael is known as an important patriarch and prophet of Islam. Muslims believe that Muhammad is a descendent of Ishmael that would establish a great nation as promised by God in the Old Testament. This denial of the promise of God is still effecting the world today.
At this point, Abram is 87 years old. That seems too old to have any children, right? It seemed too old to Abram and Sarah, too. But it was at this point that God gives Abram his new name - Abraham - and promises him again that he will have a nation of descendents. Abraham and Sarah laugh at the thought. Genesis 18:12 tells us that Sarah laughed and said, "How could a worn-out woman like me enjoy such pleasure, especially when my master, my husband, is also so old?"
And this is where Sarah and I connect. Sarah married a man before either one of them really knew God. Then her husband was called and that also meant that Sarah was called. Sarah had to not only have faith in God, but she had to have faith in Abraham to follow him when he told her he heard the voice of God. She had to trust God and Abraham when Abraham let her be collected by the Egyptians. She had to believe in God and Abraham when she was told she would bear a son. In her 90's, though, she couldn't hold on any more. She had let that dream go - she thought that God had forgotten about her and there was no way he could make good on his promise.
What she didn't know is that our God thinks outside the box. As Sarah saw first hand, a man can get any young woman can get pregnant. But it takes a miracle from God for a woman in her 90's to not only get pregnant, but get through childbirth and then care for a young baby. And Sarah got the humor in it. In Genesis 21:6, when Isaac is finally born, Sarah declares,"God has brought me laughter. All who hear about this will laugh with me."
I know what Sarah was feeling when she brought Hagar to Abraham. God saved my husband, then me. After we were saved, everything we knew and thought we knew was stripped away to nothing. We have been lifted away from our family and friends and placed in desolate Atlanta. Okay, Atlanta isn't the desert. But it isn't home. I thought I new what my life would be 5 years ago. It is not now what I thought it would be. I've gone from having a career that I thought I would always have to being a wife, mom and having an extra child. God has blessed us during this time, so much, but it has still been pretty scary. We don't worship a tame lion. There's no telling what God is going to do.
But one thing I have learned is that God keeps his promises. Just like God kept his promise to Sarah, I know God will keep his promises to me. But this is what really blows my mind. Genesis records Sarah's doubt of God's promises. But in Hebrews 11:11 - Sarah is still counted as having faith. The writer of Hebrews tells us that it was by faith that Sarah was able to have a child, though she was barren and old. "She believed that God would keep his promises."
Even though Sarah's faith wavered, she is still counted as having faith. God still saw her as faithful. I can't tell you what hope that brings me. What joy that makes me feel. I pray that God will still see me as faithful despite how I have doubted His promises. I pray that I can trust Him, and not try to make is promises come to pass my own way. I want to wait on God. I want to have what God promised His way b/c I know that is what is best. But - confession time - I am afraid I will be 90 before it happens. What if I'm too old to really enjoy it when God is ready to fulfill his promises? I suppose I will have to do what Sarah did and laugh along with everyone else - right?
No- we don't worship a God that will be told what to do. We don't worship a God who will bend to our will. And I love God for saving me. So I will wait on Him to tell me to move. I just need to stay ready for the call and be ready to jump when He says go! I pray I don't get lazy and tired. I pray I will be ready. Because I want to do what God has called me and I want to experience God's promise. So I will wait. Like Sarah.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
God's Plans
I set out to write a completely different post today. As I was searching for a verse that as of right now I'm not even sure actually exists, I came across the story of Jesus, Mary, Martha and Lazarus. I really love this story and I think God is urging me to write about that instead. So here it goes!
For those of you that are unfamiliar with the story, Mary and Martha are sisters. Lazarus is their brother. They all had a relationship with Jesus while he was on earth and believed him to be the Messiah. While Jesus was traveling Lazarus became sick to the point of death. Mary and Martha sent for Jesus so that he could come home and heal Lazarus, as they had seen him heal many other sick and disabled. I think it is important to note that they must have felt pretty comfortable with Jesus - whom they believed to be the Messiah - to send for someone to go and get Him. Jesus didn't come when they called, though. He stayed where He was. When asked by His disciples why He wouldn't go to Lazarus, He told them that Lazarus' illness was for God's glory so God's Son could be glorified through it. And then He waited.
After Lazarus had died and been placed in a tomb, Jesus arrived. Mourning had already begun. When Martha and Mary heard that Jesus had arrived Martha went to Him immediately. Mary, on the other hand, did not go to Jesus. I believe she was hurt. I believe she was angry with Jesus. He could have healed Lazarus if He had come. Why hadn't He come? What was He doing that was so important that He could just let her brother die? Didn't He love her? Did He love Lazarus?
Jesus knew why He had stayed away. He knew He would raise Lazarus and He knew that through this miracle He and God would be glorified. He knew because of the testimony of Mary, Martha and Lazarus many would be believe He is the Messiah and be saved. Even with this knowledge, when He arrived at the home of Mary and Martha and He saw all of the weeping and mourning He cried. John 11 tells us Jesus was deeply moved in spirit and was troubled. The Greek for "deeply moved" literally means "threatened to enjoin." He was moved by the emotion of those hurting around Him that even though He knew Lazarus' death was permanent, He was still in as much pain as those around Him.
The God we worship is sovereign. He is not absent. He is never far away. When we are hurting, He is close by. When those around us die, when we are abused, when we are tormented, when we lose everything and don't know why - Jesus is there. And even though He knows that the outcome is His ultimate glorification - which is the point of each of our lives - He hurts when we hurt. It pains the Living God to watch us suffer.
We live in a world that would tell us that if God cared, He wouldn't let bad things happen to us. They would say that if there was a God and He could stop evil and He doesn't, that makes Him cruel and unjust. But I think that is nonsense. Let me tell you why. God is far more concerned with our eternal life than He is with our temporary comforts. I used to say, before I was saved, that I didn't know if I could worship a God that would stand by and let me be abused as a child. But now I understand. God knew that that is what it would take to eventually bring me to Him. Without that time in my life, who knows if I ever would have accepted Christ as my Savior? And while I hate that it happened, and a day doesn't go by when I don't think about it, if God can use it to bring glory to Himself, then I would gladly suffer it again. Okay. Probably not gladly. But I would suffer it. Because I understand now the deep love that Christ has for me. And the only response to understanding God's love is to desire with your whole being to bring Him glory.
If you feel alone today, if you feel like God isn't coming - if you feel like you have called Him, but He's not answering - know that He hears you. Know that He isn't going to leave you in your pain. He is weeping and mourning with you. The day is coming when you will see God's plan and you will understand. Until then, know that Jesus weeps. And then He gets to work. He raises people from the dead. He restores what only He could restore. He moves what only He could move. And you are not alone.
For those of you that are unfamiliar with the story, Mary and Martha are sisters. Lazarus is their brother. They all had a relationship with Jesus while he was on earth and believed him to be the Messiah. While Jesus was traveling Lazarus became sick to the point of death. Mary and Martha sent for Jesus so that he could come home and heal Lazarus, as they had seen him heal many other sick and disabled. I think it is important to note that they must have felt pretty comfortable with Jesus - whom they believed to be the Messiah - to send for someone to go and get Him. Jesus didn't come when they called, though. He stayed where He was. When asked by His disciples why He wouldn't go to Lazarus, He told them that Lazarus' illness was for God's glory so God's Son could be glorified through it. And then He waited.
After Lazarus had died and been placed in a tomb, Jesus arrived. Mourning had already begun. When Martha and Mary heard that Jesus had arrived Martha went to Him immediately. Mary, on the other hand, did not go to Jesus. I believe she was hurt. I believe she was angry with Jesus. He could have healed Lazarus if He had come. Why hadn't He come? What was He doing that was so important that He could just let her brother die? Didn't He love her? Did He love Lazarus?
Jesus knew why He had stayed away. He knew He would raise Lazarus and He knew that through this miracle He and God would be glorified. He knew because of the testimony of Mary, Martha and Lazarus many would be believe He is the Messiah and be saved. Even with this knowledge, when He arrived at the home of Mary and Martha and He saw all of the weeping and mourning He cried. John 11 tells us Jesus was deeply moved in spirit and was troubled. The Greek for "deeply moved" literally means "threatened to enjoin." He was moved by the emotion of those hurting around Him that even though He knew Lazarus' death was permanent, He was still in as much pain as those around Him.
The God we worship is sovereign. He is not absent. He is never far away. When we are hurting, He is close by. When those around us die, when we are abused, when we are tormented, when we lose everything and don't know why - Jesus is there. And even though He knows that the outcome is His ultimate glorification - which is the point of each of our lives - He hurts when we hurt. It pains the Living God to watch us suffer.
We live in a world that would tell us that if God cared, He wouldn't let bad things happen to us. They would say that if there was a God and He could stop evil and He doesn't, that makes Him cruel and unjust. But I think that is nonsense. Let me tell you why. God is far more concerned with our eternal life than He is with our temporary comforts. I used to say, before I was saved, that I didn't know if I could worship a God that would stand by and let me be abused as a child. But now I understand. God knew that that is what it would take to eventually bring me to Him. Without that time in my life, who knows if I ever would have accepted Christ as my Savior? And while I hate that it happened, and a day doesn't go by when I don't think about it, if God can use it to bring glory to Himself, then I would gladly suffer it again. Okay. Probably not gladly. But I would suffer it. Because I understand now the deep love that Christ has for me. And the only response to understanding God's love is to desire with your whole being to bring Him glory.
If you feel alone today, if you feel like God isn't coming - if you feel like you have called Him, but He's not answering - know that He hears you. Know that He isn't going to leave you in your pain. He is weeping and mourning with you. The day is coming when you will see God's plan and you will understand. Until then, know that Jesus weeps. And then He gets to work. He raises people from the dead. He restores what only He could restore. He moves what only He could move. And you are not alone.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Welcome Back!
I haven't posted anything in almost a year. That was not my intention when I wrote my last post in March of 2012. I intended, once my family was moved and we were all settled, to start back again. I also intended to write even more frequently because I wouldn't be working and I would have more time. I should be able to write more, right?
Clearly, I was mistaken. My husband got a new job in Atlanta, so we made the move from Chattanooga kind of frantically. The husband wasn't sure if he would get the job, so we didn't plan on moving until after he had a hire date. What a horrible move that was. We still had a few weeks to get everything together, but it was still difficult to get everything packed and ready for a family of five. Then, there was the getting here. The day of the move, one of the boys ended up in the urgent care. We also found out the gas hadn't been turned on at the house so we didn't have hot water. It wouldn't be turned on for another week after that because of an issue with the water heater. Our refrigerator broke down and we had to throw all of our food away. The plumbing in the house had gotten clogged from no one living at the residence and toilets started overflowing with raw sewage the first week. To say that those first two weeks were a disaster is an understatement of glorious porportions.
However, we are here and still standing. All of the problems were fixed or corrected as best they could be and all is well. I did discover, though, that being a stay at home mom to a toddler doesn't allot for hours and hours of free time. Or any free time. So I quickly forgot about my writing and devoted myself to being good to my husband and children in this new life that we started in Atlanta.
I am ready to start writing again though for a couple of reasons. One is that it keeps me close to God. It keeps me in the Word and I need to be in the Word all the time. I can't be a good wife, a good mother or a good anything with out Jesus permiating every part of me. The second is that I am going to start teaching Bible study again and I like having this extra outlet to share what God is showing me through teaching. Because God teaches me through my studying more than I actually teach.
So thanks for sticking around. My goal is to post twice a week. That is a lot - especially considering how long it has been since I have posted anything. But I'm committed. I'm all in. I look forward to hearing your feedback about my posts.
I love you all!
In Christ -
Tricia
Clearly, I was mistaken. My husband got a new job in Atlanta, so we made the move from Chattanooga kind of frantically. The husband wasn't sure if he would get the job, so we didn't plan on moving until after he had a hire date. What a horrible move that was. We still had a few weeks to get everything together, but it was still difficult to get everything packed and ready for a family of five. Then, there was the getting here. The day of the move, one of the boys ended up in the urgent care. We also found out the gas hadn't been turned on at the house so we didn't have hot water. It wouldn't be turned on for another week after that because of an issue with the water heater. Our refrigerator broke down and we had to throw all of our food away. The plumbing in the house had gotten clogged from no one living at the residence and toilets started overflowing with raw sewage the first week. To say that those first two weeks were a disaster is an understatement of glorious porportions.
However, we are here and still standing. All of the problems were fixed or corrected as best they could be and all is well. I did discover, though, that being a stay at home mom to a toddler doesn't allot for hours and hours of free time. Or any free time. So I quickly forgot about my writing and devoted myself to being good to my husband and children in this new life that we started in Atlanta.
I am ready to start writing again though for a couple of reasons. One is that it keeps me close to God. It keeps me in the Word and I need to be in the Word all the time. I can't be a good wife, a good mother or a good anything with out Jesus permiating every part of me. The second is that I am going to start teaching Bible study again and I like having this extra outlet to share what God is showing me through teaching. Because God teaches me through my studying more than I actually teach.
So thanks for sticking around. My goal is to post twice a week. That is a lot - especially considering how long it has been since I have posted anything. But I'm committed. I'm all in. I look forward to hearing your feedback about my posts.
I love you all!
In Christ -
Tricia
Thursday, March 15, 2012
I Never, Ever Have to Be Afraid
We sang a song a few weeks ago at church and there is a line in the song that says, "I never, ever have to be afraid..." This line really gets me every time I sing it. Really, it's because I can't remember a time when I haven't, to some extent, been afraid.
I grew up in a home where fear was manufactured and used for control. It's difficult to describe without dishonoring my parents, whom I love. Know that they are not bad people and I do not view them negatively (anymore). But I have always, always been afraid. I have anxious tics and nervous eye movements. I'm jumpy and can't handle being yelled at to this day. It turns me into an 8 year old instantly. I have always been afraid. That's not to say that I view myself as easy to intimidate. It's that I have this undercurrent of fear that is always brewing right below the surface. I have learned to hide it well, so when you meet me you may not know. Some of my best friends may not know. But I know.
In my adult life this fear has manifested itself in many different ways. Mostly as this bravado that I spew at unsuspecting individuals. I am loud and kind of obnoxious. I have a mean sense of humor - I don't know how to joke with people and I'm kind of socially awkward. Thank goodness God loves me and is changing me. I can see how my fear undercurrent has made me different from everyone else, though.
So to hear a line in a song that says I never, ever have to be afraid is pretty striking. How do I get that? How do I get to never, ever be afraid. Being afraid is kind of who I am. It's in me, like my DNA. How do I extract that? How do you eliminate something that is a part of who you are?
In 2 Timothy 1:7, Paul tells Timothy that "God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control."
The word used for "spirit" here is the Greek word 'pneuma' and is the word most often used for the "Holy Spirit." Holy Spirit is what is sent to live in us, in place of us when we believe that Jesus is the Messiah. You hear people talk about God living in their hearts - they are (or should be) referring to Holy Spirit. Let me give you an example of how Paul uses 'pneuma' in another verse:
2 Corinthians 13:14 : "The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ , and the love of God and the communion of the Holy Ghost, [be] with you all . Amen"
Looking at it in this context, what it seems to me that Paul is saying is that God gave me the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit is not afraid, but powerful, loving and is self-controlled.
God didn't give me my spirit of fear. Someone else did that. Is God sovereign over my childhood - absolutely. But that is a topic for a different post - maybe the next one. Let me make it clear, though, I do not believe God was absent when I was 8. He was very present and very aware of my circumstances. He did not leave me. He was there when this spirit of fear was being developed in my soul, in my very being.
Then, when He saved me, He gave me a new Spirit. And this Spirit is not afraid of anything - because it is the One True God. I can't fathom God being afraid of anything. If this is the Spirit that possesses my thoughts, my actions, my words and every part of my being, then it is safe to say that I never, ever have to be afraid. I can't even being to tell you how freeing that is for me. I can't describe it.
God already lives in me. He is my Spirit. He is my heart. He is my DNA. That is how the fear can be extracted. I let God take out what He did not intend and I let Him replace those parts with Himself. If I allow Him to make me who He intended me to be, if I allow His Spirit to become who I am, then I never, ever have to be afraid.
This is new skin I'm walking in. This is a new world. His ways are so much better than my ways. I thank God for His mercy - He could have left me in my sin and my fear, but instead He put that on Jesus. Thank you, God, for giving me your Spirit that never, ever has to be afraid again. Amen.
Praying for you all.
Tricia
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