I Never, Ever Have to Be Afraid

We sang a song a few weeks ago at church and there is a line in the song that says, "I never, ever have to be afraid..." This line really gets me every time I sing it. Really, it's because I can't remember a time when I haven't, to some extent, been afraid. I grew up in a home where fear was manufactured and used for control. It's difficult to describe without dishonoring my parents, whom I love. Know that they are not bad people and I do not view them negatively (anymore). But I have always, always been afraid. I have anxious tics and nervous eye movements. I'm jumpy and can't handle being yelled at to this day. It turns me into an 8 year old instantly. I have always been afraid. That's not to say that I view myself as easy to intimidate. It's that I have this undercurrent of fear that is always brewing right below the surface. I have learned to hide it well, so when you meet me you may not know. Some of my best friends may not know. But I know. In my adult life this fear has manifested itself in many different ways. Mostly as this bravado that I spew at unsuspecting individuals. I am loud and kind of obnoxious. I have a mean sense of humor - I don't know how to joke with people and I'm kind of socially awkward. Thank goodness God loves me and is changing me. I can see how my fear undercurrent has made me different from everyone else, though. So to hear a line in a song that says I never, ever have to be afraid is pretty striking. How do I get that? How do I get to never, ever be afraid. Being afraid is kind of who I am. It's in me, like my DNA. How do I extract that? How do you eliminate something that is a part of who you are? In 2 Timothy 1:7, Paul tells Timothy that "God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." The word used for "spirit" here is the Greek word 'pneuma' and is the word most often used for the "Holy Spirit." Holy Spirit is what is sent to live in us, in place of us when we believe that Jesus is the Messiah. You hear people talk about God living in their hearts - they are (or should be) referring to Holy Spirit. Let me give you an example of how Paul uses 'pneuma' in another verse: 2 Corinthians 13:14 : "The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ , and the love of God and the communion of the Holy Ghost, [be] with you all . Amen" Looking at it in this context, what it seems to me that Paul is saying is that God gave me the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit is not afraid, but powerful, loving and is self-controlled. God didn't give me my spirit of fear. Someone else did that. Is God sovereign over my childhood - absolutely. But that is a topic for a different post - maybe the next one. Let me make it clear, though, I do not believe God was absent when I was 8. He was very present and very aware of my circumstances. He did not leave me. He was there when this spirit of fear was being developed in my soul, in my very being. Then, when He saved me, He gave me a new Spirit. And this Spirit is not afraid of anything - because it is the One True God. I can't fathom God being afraid of anything. If this is the Spirit that possesses my thoughts, my actions, my words and every part of my being, then it is safe to say that I never, ever have to be afraid. I can't even being to tell you how freeing that is for me. I can't describe it. God already lives in me. He is my Spirit. He is my heart. He is my DNA. That is how the fear can be extracted. I let God take out what He did not intend and I let Him replace those parts with Himself. If I allow Him to make me who He intended me to be, if I allow His Spirit to become who I am, then I never, ever have to be afraid. This is new skin I'm walking in. This is a new world. His ways are so much better than my ways. I thank God for His mercy - He could have left me in my sin and my fear, but instead He put that on Jesus. Thank you, God, for giving me your Spirit that never, ever has to be afraid again. Amen. Praying for you all. Tricia