Everything Matters

God and I have been having this struggle lately. Wait, that's not right. I have been having this struggle with God lately. I've started to feel like maybe the things that I am going through aren't important. Does that make sense? Like what I am dealing with and how I am dealing with it don't really matter. Most of the time, the only people that see me are my husband and kids any way. I feel useless to the Kingdom. I feel impotent for Christ. That's like the exact opposite of what I want. That has led to me feeling like I'm not really good enough to serve Christ in the kind of capacity for which I thought He would use me. And that hurts.

But God has been speaking to me. He's not been telling me how great I am. He's not been telling me how important or smart I am. He has been telling me that He is great. He is important. He is sovereign. And it all matters.

God isn't ignoring me. He is growing me. God isn't looking away - He is waiting for me to look up. This is all about Him - this has nothing to do with me. And until I get that - until I really realize that my entire life is designed and built around glorifying God, I am making myself useless.

Every time I answer an angry word with a quiet word, I am making a difference for the Kingdom. Every time I notice my children and I correct or love them, I am making a difference. Even the smallest things - if I am doing them to and for the glory of God, they matter. Because they are glorifying God. Anything else that I do is worthless.

God has been telling me to live to His glory. If I want to make a difference, If I want to really make an impact, I have to live for His glory alone. I have to humble myself and seek Him and do whatever He asks. All the time.

When I think about it like that, it makes me feel silly for feeling any of the things I felt before. Because it's not about me. God is going to use me however He wants and even if I'm an idiot, that only increases the likelihood that I will be used! I just want to serve Him - I mean that with my whole heart. So God is telling me to relax, and remember whose greatness I should be seeking. If that means the only people I ever impact are in this house, then it still matters to Him. And that's all that matters any way.