Beginning...

Welcome. I'm new to the blogging, so you might have to bear with me for one or two posts. But thank you for tuning in. I so appreciate it.

The goal of this thing, this blog is to get out on screen what God has written on my heart. I know that God has called me to use my story. I just don't know how. That's the great thing about God. He's full of surprises. But I know I need to get it out. So here it is. :-)

I have been following Jesus for 3 years now. I was saved one afternoon in January in the middle of a church cafe by a woman who was for all intents and purposes threatening me. That's just proof that when the Holy Spirit moves it doesn't matter who is doing the talking or what they are saying. God gets through.

In 2008, I had left my husband. I had taken our two boys and moved in with my mother and filed for divorce. During the year my husband and I were apart I spiraled down into alcoholism and a mild addiction to zanax. I drank and I worked and I slept. Not always in that order. My outward life didn't appear desperate. I was promoted at work and bought a new car and a house. But I was dying inside.

While I was getting worse, my husband was getting better. In August of that year he accepted Christ as his Savior. The story is beautiful. I'm going to steal his thunder and tell it. My husband had been having these dreams. He was covered in black tar. He would try to clean himself and would only get more covered in tar. He would wake up in a cold sweat, unable to move. Then finally, one night he was having the same dream, only this time a Man came. The Man cleaned all of the tar off of my husband. My husband was clean. And the Man didn't get dirty. It was a miracle. Then, my husband woke up.

A few days later my husband was desperate for change in his life. He told God that if He wanted what was left of his life, God could have it. Immediately, my husband felt a change in his physical body that sent upheaval through his emotions. My husband was changed. He was Saved.

The change was evident in his behavior. Remember, I had divorced him. That doesn't make for friendliness when exchanging the kids on the weekend. But now, he was being nice to me. He started to "Love Dare" me. He took care of me when I was hungover and couldn't take care of myself. He took our boys to church and taught them to pray. He went to a marriage conference by himself to learn to be a better husband (again, we weren't married, we were divorced). He really had changed.

I would go to church with my husband and my boys and I would feel nothing. People would sing and I would feel nothing. The preacher would preach and I would feel nothing. I knew there was something wrong with me.

I met with a friend for lunch one day and just told her that my soul was dying. I didn't know what to do anymore. She had told me about a friend of hers who had left her husband but had gone back to her marriage. I asked to meet with this person. I didn't know what else to do.

The woman was kind enough to meet with me that very week. I was crazy late to our meeting because the poo had hit the fan at work that day. I had tried to cancel, but thank God she waited on me anyway. I told her my story. She told me hers. She asked me what I wanted to do. I told her I didn't know. This is where the story gets good.

She leaned across the table. She looked me right in the eye. She passed my phone over to me. She said, "You are going to call your husband. That's what he is. He is your husband. You are going to call him and tell him you are ready to reconcile."

I was shocked. No, I'm sure not. That was my response. As if she hadn't said enough, then she turned around and said this, "You have two choices at this point. One is Jesus. The other is hell. Which one are you going to choose? Today is the day. This is it."

Gasp! WHAT? This is where you get offended on my behalf. It's okay. What she said was offensive. But that doesn't change the accuracy of the statement. It only took me a second to answer. "Jesus."

I called my husband. He came and met us. I had to confess to him what I had been doing. He took me back and forgave me. Much like Jesus. And I was "saved." There was no magic prayer. There was no walk down an aisle to an alter where people cheered when I got there. Just me, this mean woman, my dear husband, and Jesus. Lots of forgiveness in that room. I bet no one even noticed.

Since then, I've known that God was going to use His story. Because this is His story. My story was the drugs and the alcohol. Anything good belongs to Him. So I'm going to tell the story to anyone who will listen in hopes that they find God in the words. You see, when you understand how much Jesus really loves you, you can't help but love Him back. And that love will lead you to do crazy things. Like admit what a bad person you are to lots of people who you might be embarrassed to know that side of you. But my purpose is no longer to glorify me. My purpose is to glorify Him. And if that means a little blushing in public, then I can handle that.

We'll talk more another day. I look forward to your comments, if you have them. Thanks for hanging out and reading my stuff.

Praying for you -

Tricia